A long time ago. . .
Mesapotamia was the bedrock of civilization. People came from all over to enjoy its vast beaches and to cheer on its successful water polo team The Centaurs.
Messopatamia is a Greek word for "messy waters". That is because Messoapatma was located between two bodies of water--the Atlantic Ocean and the Messassippi River, which we know today as the Mississippi River.
The people of Messopatama, or Messes as they were called, settled along the waterways to harvest power for their textile mills. Uruk, a major seaport, hosted the largest textile factory every built to this day. It would make the Empire State Building look like a toothpick, it was seriously that big. Due to the emphasis on fabric, Messes were divided up as a society based on what clothes they could afford.
The divisions were as such:
- Preppies: This was the highest class of people in Mesopatamia. They were wealthy and could afford the finest silks and threads, and dictated the latest styles. Preppies wore the first Uggs, which they assembled from the legs of llamas
- Business Casual: This was the second highest order and typically was bestowed upon the merchants in Messopatiama. They did not earn as much as the preppies, but they managed to have at least three pairs of pants or dresses. Their clothing typical was made from burlap to hold up from the heavy work the business casual was expected to perform.
- Slobs: This class was marked by their propensity of wearing loose-fitting fabric that resembled what we commonly see today as sweatpants.
- Urchins: This was one of the poorest classes in society. They typically had to share an article of clothing among an entire family.
Famous Inventions
The Messes were an inventive people. Many of the inventions we enjoy today made their start in Messopatiama. In fact, it is known that the popular video game Minecraft actually originated in the city of Krubek where mining was the main source of industry.
The sandwich presser (featured above) was the precursor to today's panini machine. Most bread was stale due to the monsoon season (August - August) and required heavy blocks to mush them down to a consistency where they were edible.
The wheel was a major innovative invention in ancient civilization, and helped the civilization expand past the Messissippi River. Before the wheel, the Messes had to carry all their cargo in sandwich pressers, which were quite cumbersome.
Footwear, featured above, was a major game-changer in the lives of Messes. Aril Vankrzik created the invention after a sandwich presser fell on his foot while he was trying to move his cousin into a new hovel. He discovered that covering the feet with stone wedges made accidents less likely to happen.
The Messes were credited with discovering the art of cartooning. The cartoon featured above was taken from the daily paper "The Mess Times" and was drawn by the famous Mesopatamia cartoonist Beetle Bailey. Bailey was credited with coming up with the joke "Why did the chicken cross the mudflap?" which we now know as "Why did the chicken cross the road?"